Being A Kid... At Heart

I miss my childhood days where the only thing that I worry about is school. Passing my tests, what baon I have, the level of practice we have after class and the game over the weekend.

Growing up, life becomes more complex. You will encounter different endeavors that you can never imagine. You will meet people that you only dream of meeting. You meet others that you wish you had not met. You want to erase a lot of painful memories. Thinking what went wrong and how to redo things over again. You want to turn back time and make decisions in another way. Hence, you will dwell on these obstacles without noticing that your growth stops and thus you think that I wish I'm still a kid and go back to where everything is simple.

But you can always be a kid. You can make your life simple. You should never make things more than what they may seem. I did a lot of thinking this past days and it struck me just now. I am just making things complicated. I am trying to chew more than I can eat. I am trying to do 8 things when I have only 2 hands.

I tend to forget to have fun and enjoy my life. I tend to put everything else aside and my problems in front. I tend to look at the micro picture rather than the macro.

What I need is not to be 8 years old again but go back to basics. Simplifying complex situations and thus lessening stress and making better decisions.

Torched!

Life is full of twists and turns. When you think you had enough troubles in your way, think again! There are more to come. If you asked me 2 years ago, "Cholo, what is your 5 year plan?" I can give you a concrete, workable plan without blinking an eye. Now, things changed and everything is a blur. Asked, the same question I will say, I don't know.

For the past few months I am living each day as it came. No plans. Hope for the best, expect the worst. A lot of fire torched my bones. A lot of pricks sliced to the soul. I've been to worst but when you are paralyzed every setback hurts more. Every tiny problem seems bigger. Every obstacle seems harder.

My life is not a telenovela. My life is not an exciting one. My life is not the kind of life you would like to live in. Sure I am still luckier than the ones who are in the slums. Sure other people have more to bear rather than I. But in some cases, I fell that they are even luckier than me.

Until now, I will live my life as each day comes. I don't know my purpose in live. After all, when I learn what it is and finish it, it will be the day I die.

Things may happen for a reason. Reasons that we will find out in the future. The ball will always roll. Sometimes you will be on top, sometimes you are in the bottom. Mine moves very slowly to go up. Or it seems faster to go back down.

What will happen to me, I don't know. I just hope luck will be back on my side sooner than later!